Shades of Jade

What am I doing here?
What’s the point anymore?
I don’t belong here.
Shrouded by shades of jade.
Everything is dark and grey.
Struggling to see purpose,
All I see is one big stage.

What am I doing here?
Is there anything more?
Looking for depth and life,
I find pretty cut flowers.
Superficial and meaningless,
Shadows of what could be.
Dying from the inside out.

Jaded to the way things are,
Guardedly hopeful for tomorrow.
Change must come from within.
It starts with one.

Advertisements

Numb

Anesthetized,
Apathetic,
Callous,
Comatose
Dazed,
Detached
Frozen,
Indifferent,
Listless,
Paralyzed,
Remote,
Unfeeling.

Roget’s has dozens of words
To describe my state of being.
Numbness is protective steel,
Keeping myself safe from the
Sharpness of amplified feelings.

Numbness is a blanket of apathy
That protects my soft underbelly
From flaming darts that fly at me.

Natural or by man contrived,
A deadness of heart and soul,
Keeps me trudging in this life.

Gone Before I Got Here

Sitting at a school lunch table,
Chew, swallow, talk, pose, pretend.
I was gone before I got here.

Standing along the wall watching the crowd,
Talk, joke, laugh, sit, smile.
I was gone before I got here.

Sitting in a back row pew,
Sing, stand, sit, kneel, pray.
I was gone before I got here.

Gone before I got here,
My heart’s not really in it.
In the crowd, but not belonging,
I go through the motions–
Looking at the superficiality of how things are
While wondering what’s deeper.

Walking purposefully through life,
Striving not to be
Gone before I got here.